Wednesday afternoon I received a call from my estranged husband that has been exactly what I needed to have full closure.
I took all of 2012 and allowed myself to purge myself of the attachment feelings that were plaguing me. My heart was really invested and it took that long to smolder the fire that had burned for so long.
Well, he called me and said, "I miss you Wanda. I miss having you in my life, especially now."
I couldn't believe he was actually owning up to his role in the demise of our relationship. It only took almost two years. When we initially broke up, he actually had the nerve to call me and try to force me to say it was my fault. I said nothing and he eventually hung up. Yesterday was completely different. He said, "I will say I was 80% responsible for what happened in our marriage and I don't blame you for not wanting to be with me. You were the only person who really loved me and although I don't regret much in my life because I made the choice, I do regret not doing right by you."
I said nothing. There was nothing to say. He made a point to tell me he loved me and told him I loved him too, and I do, but I never want to live with him again.
He also admitted that he just wanted immediate gratification. He wanted to do what he wanted to do and I let him. Hindsight is 20/20, but now it is too late. I do not want to look back. I am sure he would probably be a better husband, now, but I cannot take the chance. There is too much at stake. I have done what I should have done and God has blessed me immensely. I refuse to second guess when I know for sure, we cannot be together.
I appreciate the call and I do believe he thinks he loves me or at least should love me, but I know he really cannot until he learns to love himself.