I miss being married and having someone to share my day-to-day with. Whenever something happens, I think of the man I married first. I still want to share everything with him and I can't. This is the tragedy of separation and divorce. They cut you off from that which you have desired the most and for the longest. We had so many years in and to have it all fall down was hard for me.
I know the separation is for the best and the only answer for us. Still, it does not stop me from being desirous of a healthy, loving relationship. Don't know if I'll ever marry again. Right know, I just miss being married.
Showing posts with label Anyway. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Anyway. Show all posts
Tuesday, April 9, 2013
Sunday, June 26, 2011
I Did It for Love
My husband and I have been married 22 years as of this Saturday. We are at a maintaining stage. The dynamics are interesting. We were talking and he mentioned the fact we don't talk to each other much. I reminded him about how he was when we first got together. He would cut me off if I tried to have general conversation with him. He didn't want to hear it, if it wasn't directly related to us. Then, there was the factor that he was never around. I learned to write in my journal or whatever to get things off my mind.
Surprisingly, he couldn't say a word. He has been harping on our lack of communication for over 10 years. I used to become defense because I had not recognized the reason it occurred. I personally am not a big talker in very intimate relationships. I like the feeling of us both doing what we want, but are content knowing the other is around.
As much as I love to talk, I don't have to do it. I stopped trying to figure him out and just let him tell me who he was through his actions. He has shown me well. Now that he is so ill, I rarely think about anything "he has done to me." What he is doing to himself is incredible. It is amazing how a person came be so willing to give up their lives just because it would be hard to reclaim it.
Yes, he is at death's door. You can literally see it in his eyes. The dog never leaves his side. All the signs are there. Yet, somehow, he finds the strength to be mean spirited, misguided, and in denial. He is still playing with the devil. Allowing himself to be used in the worse way, against the people who care the most. But, ain't that just typical of us humans? We spend so much time trying to find a way to get back, put down, dismiss a person. We get caught up in being right, or knowing better for others, until we lose sight of our only truly command and that is to love others as you love yourself.
So, here we are at the 22ND year mark. I spent the day with my 14 year old who completed a six month community workshop called Reclaiming our Youth. She attended every event and was rewarded with The Most Positive Attitude Award. She is a delightful person. I've done all I could to allow her to maintain her sweetness and kindness. Her dad has too. He loves on her, when he's not nagging her. I can only pray there is a balance there somewhere.
He has been sick for the last three days. He didn't go to the event. I am sure this upset her, but she did not let on. I went in tremendous back pain. My arthritis is kicking up again. I can barely function. I need to go to the doctor.
All-in-all, our anniversary turned out to be just another "business as usual," day. We did spend intimate time at the turn of the morning, and I said, "Happy Anniversary," and he said, "Likewise." If you are asking yourself, "why does she stay?" The answer is I did it for love.
Surprisingly, he couldn't say a word. He has been harping on our lack of communication for over 10 years. I used to become defense because I had not recognized the reason it occurred. I personally am not a big talker in very intimate relationships. I like the feeling of us both doing what we want, but are content knowing the other is around.
As much as I love to talk, I don't have to do it. I stopped trying to figure him out and just let him tell me who he was through his actions. He has shown me well. Now that he is so ill, I rarely think about anything "he has done to me." What he is doing to himself is incredible. It is amazing how a person came be so willing to give up their lives just because it would be hard to reclaim it.
Yes, he is at death's door. You can literally see it in his eyes. The dog never leaves his side. All the signs are there. Yet, somehow, he finds the strength to be mean spirited, misguided, and in denial. He is still playing with the devil. Allowing himself to be used in the worse way, against the people who care the most. But, ain't that just typical of us humans? We spend so much time trying to find a way to get back, put down, dismiss a person. We get caught up in being right, or knowing better for others, until we lose sight of our only truly command and that is to love others as you love yourself.
So, here we are at the 22ND year mark. I spent the day with my 14 year old who completed a six month community workshop called Reclaiming our Youth. She attended every event and was rewarded with The Most Positive Attitude Award. She is a delightful person. I've done all I could to allow her to maintain her sweetness and kindness. Her dad has too. He loves on her, when he's not nagging her. I can only pray there is a balance there somewhere.
He has been sick for the last three days. He didn't go to the event. I am sure this upset her, but she did not let on. I went in tremendous back pain. My arthritis is kicking up again. I can barely function. I need to go to the doctor.
All-in-all, our anniversary turned out to be just another "business as usual," day. We did spend intimate time at the turn of the morning, and I said, "Happy Anniversary," and he said, "Likewise." If you are asking yourself, "why does she stay?" The answer is I did it for love.
Friday, December 10, 2010
Oprah
When Oprah declared that Steadman was her lover, partner, etc., she could not and did not look Barbara Walters in the eye. I do not doubt that he is a constant companion, but I do not believe they are passionate about each other. I did not believe Oprah when she made her statement. I never have thought much of Steadman, for various reasons.
In the beginning, he was all Oprah talked about. Being in the Chicago area when she first started, there was a lot of talk about Steadman Graham. All the eligible women wanted him and he seemed to choose Oprah. I know what Steadman did was give Oprah the male influence she needed to be able to reach the heights she has. He came into her life and stopped her bed hopping and desire to chase men who did not want her. She had that bad and his coming into her life stopped all that immediately. His good looks wowed her as she did not have the self-esteem to believe a man like him would choose her.
He has publicly stated he would not be forced into marrying Oprah by the public. That was an easy stance to take considering he knew he wasn't going to marry her all the time. His presence in her life has been stabilizing and that is what she needed, but I do not believe they are "in love."
She is lying.
In the beginning, he was all Oprah talked about. Being in the Chicago area when she first started, there was a lot of talk about Steadman Graham. All the eligible women wanted him and he seemed to choose Oprah. I know what Steadman did was give Oprah the male influence she needed to be able to reach the heights she has. He came into her life and stopped her bed hopping and desire to chase men who did not want her. She had that bad and his coming into her life stopped all that immediately. His good looks wowed her as she did not have the self-esteem to believe a man like him would choose her.
He has publicly stated he would not be forced into marrying Oprah by the public. That was an easy stance to take considering he knew he wasn't going to marry her all the time. His presence in her life has been stabilizing and that is what she needed, but I do not believe they are "in love."
She is lying.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)