I couldn't begin to tell you how hard I have worked on my marriage. For it to end the way it has is not only a tragedy, but it is most unfortunate. I was so ready to go the distance and now I find myself having to consider spending time with another man.
I am proud of myself for they way I have handled the situation. I knew when I took the steps I took, there would be no going back. Whether we divorce or not, my husband and I will never be together again. It hurts too much to be around him and see all the ugliness and sin the bliss of love had blinded me from. I don't like looking at in with real eyes. I was happy to be under the delusion that someday he would live up to his potential. Now that it is obvious I am 100% wrong, I cannot handle being in his presence.
He will never be the type of man I need in my life. Looking back over the 26 years hindsight has revealed the truth. He is not a man and does not want the responsibility of being one. He is a leaner, a con artist, character flawed and extremely needy. I could not consider reconciliation without him receiving professional help. Even then, it would be hard to go back.
Yes, i am a strong woman. I have a lot going for me. I am very smart and intelligent and I am proof that it is so true, you can't help who you love.
Friday, October 7, 2011
Thursday, October 6, 2011
Making Huge Changes
I am seriously considering changing careers completely. There is so much I need to do and there is no money in Human Services. Even though I'll always do something related, I do think it is time for me to get out of direct care.
Wednesday, October 5, 2011
You Really Can't Hurt Me
My husband is so bitter and it is unnecessary. I have not done anything to him, but he insists on trying to use me as the reason why his life is messed up. I have spent a quarter of a century in his corner and he has done little to appreciate it.
Now that we are separated, he wants me to take responsibility for it, when all the time he knows, he brought it on himself. Now, he is trying to hurt me and it will only backfire on him. I have not asked for child support, but I will if I have to. He thinks he run, but he can't. He will need me before I will ever need him. I am moving on passed the bullshit, on to a better way of life.
You really can't hurt me, especially if I don't let you.
Now that we are separated, he wants me to take responsibility for it, when all the time he knows, he brought it on himself. Now, he is trying to hurt me and it will only backfire on him. I have not asked for child support, but I will if I have to. He thinks he run, but he can't. He will need me before I will ever need him. I am moving on passed the bullshit, on to a better way of life.
You really can't hurt me, especially if I don't let you.
Tuesday, October 4, 2011
Why It is Important to Know Who You Are
There are so many reasons people do not get to know who they are. Some people are taught thinking about themselves, and what they want is being selfish. Unfortunately, for those who have no idea who they are, they are the ones who are easily led. They'll buy just because someone else does, they'll even sell for the same reasons. They spend loads of time thinking about what others think of them, doing all they can to please everyone, not realizing it will never happen.
It is important to know who you are because when you don't life gets increasingly hard to live. You begin to develop resentments because you feel you have no say in your life. To a great degree you don't when you measure your reality through the eyes of others. Knowing who you are is not a cure all, but a true beginning to understanding why you do some of the things you do and don't do.
Self-knowledge is also a gateway to understanding others. We are not really that much different and in the ways that we are, they don't really matter. Male/Female, skin color, eyes, nose, ears, etc. We all have these characteristics, but they minimally impact our lives. How we think, what we do, these are the things that make the difference.
Take time to get to know who you are. Learn to like you, you'll love you.
It is important to know who you are because when you don't life gets increasingly hard to live. You begin to develop resentments because you feel you have no say in your life. To a great degree you don't when you measure your reality through the eyes of others. Knowing who you are is not a cure all, but a true beginning to understanding why you do some of the things you do and don't do.
Self-knowledge is also a gateway to understanding others. We are not really that much different and in the ways that we are, they don't really matter. Male/Female, skin color, eyes, nose, ears, etc. We all have these characteristics, but they minimally impact our lives. How we think, what we do, these are the things that make the difference.
Take time to get to know who you are. Learn to like you, you'll love you.
Monday, October 3, 2011
Why The Man Brain Has Gotten On My Nerves
Yes, I have written many pieces empathizing with men, but this one does not. Men think differently than we do and that is okay. Unfortunately, they are just as confused by the way they think as women are.
I began reading books written by men about men because I recognized I did not understand the "Man brain." During my studies, I became more and more compassionate as I learned many of the things I hated about men the most, were just a part of their natures. Just how they are wired.
This is when I accepted that we are to discover what the other sex is about and not try to assume we know them based on our limited experiences with them, still the man brain gets on my nerves. There ability to compartmentalized their actions gets me the most. This ability is what will allow a man who is "happy," at home, to stray. He can actually rationalize his actions by saying he keeps what he does away from home separate, and that because he does not love the woman, it does not matter. He has the love for his wife in a safe compartment in his mind.
We all know this is unacceptable, but it is true that because they think this way it is okay to act on their thoughts. Compartmentalization can be helpful if used correctly, but all the men I know have used it to be selfish, then justify the selfishness by stating, one act has nothing to do with the other.
Men also seem to experience only two emotions anger and sexual desire. Either they are mad or horny. The in between is rarely visited. For most of them, they don't even out until it is almost too late. By that time, everyone is so used to them not meeting their needs, they are either bitter, or just don't give a damn. What lonely way to live.
The other thing that bothers me is their ability to play stupid. Before they were married, or living with a woman, they didn't have any problem finding their socks, ironing and washing their clothes, feeding themselves, but even the most enlightened brother will take advantage of a woman if she lets them. They'll run her ragged getting beers, looking for lost items, and running errands.
Then, there is the constant ego stroking many of them require. This turned out to be my biggest resentment in my marriage. My husband required way too much ego stroking. I am not the nurturing type, so it has been a huge problem for me for years, even before I fully understood what the problem was. If you have such a massive ego, you need to tend to its maintenance yourself, because usually folk with ego issues have few people who want to be around them.
The man brain is useful, but right now I can do without it.
I began reading books written by men about men because I recognized I did not understand the "Man brain." During my studies, I became more and more compassionate as I learned many of the things I hated about men the most, were just a part of their natures. Just how they are wired.
This is when I accepted that we are to discover what the other sex is about and not try to assume we know them based on our limited experiences with them, still the man brain gets on my nerves. There ability to compartmentalized their actions gets me the most. This ability is what will allow a man who is "happy," at home, to stray. He can actually rationalize his actions by saying he keeps what he does away from home separate, and that because he does not love the woman, it does not matter. He has the love for his wife in a safe compartment in his mind.
We all know this is unacceptable, but it is true that because they think this way it is okay to act on their thoughts. Compartmentalization can be helpful if used correctly, but all the men I know have used it to be selfish, then justify the selfishness by stating, one act has nothing to do with the other.
Men also seem to experience only two emotions anger and sexual desire. Either they are mad or horny. The in between is rarely visited. For most of them, they don't even out until it is almost too late. By that time, everyone is so used to them not meeting their needs, they are either bitter, or just don't give a damn. What lonely way to live.
The other thing that bothers me is their ability to play stupid. Before they were married, or living with a woman, they didn't have any problem finding their socks, ironing and washing their clothes, feeding themselves, but even the most enlightened brother will take advantage of a woman if she lets them. They'll run her ragged getting beers, looking for lost items, and running errands.
Then, there is the constant ego stroking many of them require. This turned out to be my biggest resentment in my marriage. My husband required way too much ego stroking. I am not the nurturing type, so it has been a huge problem for me for years, even before I fully understood what the problem was. If you have such a massive ego, you need to tend to its maintenance yourself, because usually folk with ego issues have few people who want to be around them.
The man brain is useful, but right now I can do without it.
Why Some Black Men Are So Arrogant
Even the brothers who know that ain't worth a dime, have the never to be arrogant when it comes to dealing with women. They can do this because so many women are desperate for a black man until they will just about put up with anything.
It is sad, but so true. Women have continuously allowed themselved to be dominated by men who are not worthy of them, only to wise up too late and live the rest of their lives bitter and angry.
I truly married my husband based on the belief that he had great potential. 26 years later, I have learned he had just as much potential not to become the man he could and he chose not to. Now, he is left with a bunch of broken promises and no one wants to hear why the promises were never kept. It is too late.
Even my husband, who is clearly not worthy of the family he has, has the nerve to try to bait me into apologizing for something I clearly tried to avoid. He thinks my love for him overrides my sense but it doesn't. Because I love him, I know I have to remain firm in my convictions and move past what "I" think I want and deal with what is.
Until women value themselves whether they have a man or not, they are always going to be push and pulled around. Men will continue to treat women any kind of way until they stand up and say, "I'm good, with or without you," and mean it.
It is sad, but so true. Women have continuously allowed themselved to be dominated by men who are not worthy of them, only to wise up too late and live the rest of their lives bitter and angry.
I truly married my husband based on the belief that he had great potential. 26 years later, I have learned he had just as much potential not to become the man he could and he chose not to. Now, he is left with a bunch of broken promises and no one wants to hear why the promises were never kept. It is too late.
Even my husband, who is clearly not worthy of the family he has, has the nerve to try to bait me into apologizing for something I clearly tried to avoid. He thinks my love for him overrides my sense but it doesn't. Because I love him, I know I have to remain firm in my convictions and move past what "I" think I want and deal with what is.
Until women value themselves whether they have a man or not, they are always going to be push and pulled around. Men will continue to treat women any kind of way until they stand up and say, "I'm good, with or without you," and mean it.
Saturday, October 1, 2011
Why Tough Love Is Hard
I know I make look tough love look easy. I've been doing it all my life. The people closest to me are able to handle my ability to give them a real dose of reality, and sincere hope for the future. Yet, you often become the "heavy" when people are not truly ready and willing to deal with reality.
This is currently the case in my marriage. My husband refuses to accept he chose to make the wrong decisions when it came to dealing with me. I had told him weeks prior I would be doing my best to be a kinder person. He agreed that I should, but obviously he felt like he should be able to remain nasty and revengeful.
It is okay, like he said, "Who has lost? Me!"
I will not be disrespected not another day of my life if I have anything to say about it. Don't come to me if you are looking for "sucker love." That ain't my style. My love is real and sincere, honest and forthright. I'll stick with you, as long as you stick with me. I am not going to waste our time with lies and deceit. I have no time for that. Life is much too precious and too short.
I am doing many things the same as I turn 50, but what I won't be taking with me is 48 pounds, a disrespectful husband, the need to control others, and no anger. I am leaving anger to the amateurs of life. I have lived with anger and it kills the soul and hampers relationships.
Whatever my husband has against me, he will have to deal with it on his own. I gave what I knew and did the best with what I learned. That's all!
This is currently the case in my marriage. My husband refuses to accept he chose to make the wrong decisions when it came to dealing with me. I had told him weeks prior I would be doing my best to be a kinder person. He agreed that I should, but obviously he felt like he should be able to remain nasty and revengeful.
It is okay, like he said, "Who has lost? Me!"
I will not be disrespected not another day of my life if I have anything to say about it. Don't come to me if you are looking for "sucker love." That ain't my style. My love is real and sincere, honest and forthright. I'll stick with you, as long as you stick with me. I am not going to waste our time with lies and deceit. I have no time for that. Life is much too precious and too short.
I am doing many things the same as I turn 50, but what I won't be taking with me is 48 pounds, a disrespectful husband, the need to control others, and no anger. I am leaving anger to the amateurs of life. I have lived with anger and it kills the soul and hampers relationships.
Whatever my husband has against me, he will have to deal with it on his own. I gave what I knew and did the best with what I learned. That's all!
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