Wednesday, August 25, 2010

It Is Not Your Fault

"For the emotionally abused child, healing comes down to forgiving yourself--knowing you deserve to be respected, you deserve to be loved."

I was an emotionally abused child. I was also physically abused. (That is a different blog.)
Both parents abused me emotionally and they felt they were doing it for my own good.

"We must renounce the lie that emotional abuse prepares children for a hard life in a tough world. I've met some people who were prepared for a hard life that way--I met them while they were doing life."

Yes, abuse of any kind for any reason seldom has the effect that some thinks it should. Everyone deserves to be loved and respected for who they are. Oftentimes, parents emotionally abuse their children because they were, but most times they do it because it comes easier than actually finding out who the child is and helping mold them into the person they seem to be developing.

Parents who abuse their children emotionally are leaving scars that often do not heal. People seldom forget being called stupid, or being told they will never amount to anything. Parents who do this will say, "I said those things hoping you would not be those things." It doesn't work like that. Negative reinforcement usually brings about some sort of negative manifestation of the self. Especially if it is your primary caretakers telling you this things about you. They are the people who are supposed to know you best. They reared you.

The problem is they do not know you and they are destroying you before you can completely develop. This is the problem with emotional abuse. It causes shame and guilt feelings when most often all the child is doing is trying to find their place in the world.

Be positive with your children and spouse. Elevate them, love them, respect them.

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