I am standing up for myself. There is no self-pity in my body. I am a winner and will continue to win as long as I remain confident that I am truly a deserving child of God.
There are always forces coming at you, trying to keep you down. Don't let them. Stand up!
Wednesday, August 31, 2011
Tenderness
As I have grown older, I have determined it is tenderness I desire. I want someone to be kind to me, loving in manner and gentle. My battle wounds are many and it is time for me to be pampered and rewarded for a life well lived.
I have ran from nothing. I continuously stand up and take responsibility for the choices I make. I need some tenderness in my life. I lived a long time with harness and cruelty. It is time for some loving to start.
It is my desire to be as tender and loving as I possibly can and I am looking for it from others.
I have ran from nothing. I continuously stand up and take responsibility for the choices I make. I need some tenderness in my life. I lived a long time with harness and cruelty. It is time for some loving to start.
It is my desire to be as tender and loving as I possibly can and I am looking for it from others.
Give and Take, Take and Give
God appreciates us most when we learn the ebb and flow of give and take. Leaning too much towards either side is a sign of wanting to be in control of that other than ourselves. We must allow others to show us love. Being the giver is great, but not to be able to receive means your giving is in vain.
What is the point of spreading love if you cannot accept it when it comes back to you? This is the way God ensures we get what we deserve in this life. Being a gracious giver is important. It is also just as important to be able to receive from others.
I was one of those people who didn't know how to take a compliment. I didn't want anyone doing anything for me. Wouldn't let folk help me and got angry sometimes when people tried. It took a true revelation of the fact I was being taken for granted that showed me I was not allowing others to do for me.
I began to replay all the times I could have asked for help and didn't. I could have easily been turning away folk God sent especially for me. Just the thought makes me quiver. If you're willing to give it, you've got to be open to taking it, especially if it is love.
What is the point of spreading love if you cannot accept it when it comes back to you? This is the way God ensures we get what we deserve in this life. Being a gracious giver is important. It is also just as important to be able to receive from others.
I was one of those people who didn't know how to take a compliment. I didn't want anyone doing anything for me. Wouldn't let folk help me and got angry sometimes when people tried. It took a true revelation of the fact I was being taken for granted that showed me I was not allowing others to do for me.
I began to replay all the times I could have asked for help and didn't. I could have easily been turning away folk God sent especially for me. Just the thought makes me quiver. If you're willing to give it, you've got to be open to taking it, especially if it is love.
The Same Only Different
"Love, the magician, knows this little trick whereby two people walk in different directions yet always remain side by side." Hugh Prather
I wish my husband could have gotten this quote. He was one of those people who demanded we have "things in common." Yes, having things in common is great and sometimes can make relationships easier, but not always.
I liked the fact we didn't talk a lot. I liked we had separate lives, but could come together and get things done when needed. He couldn't handle it. He believed in what TV and movies have told him about love and relationships.
He was heavily into romantic gestures and had expectations of me that were based on fallacies. I could never live up to the image he had projected upon me. Sure enough, the moment he perceived me to be "leaving him," he snapped.
In marriage, we are the same, only different. Our sames derives from the agreements we reach. The difference is who we naturally are, who God meant for us to be. Having someone accept you for who you are is most wonderfully rare. I had 80% acceptance in my marriage. Yes, he gave me up for the 20%. Some people never value much in their lives. He is one of them.
I wish my husband could have gotten this quote. He was one of those people who demanded we have "things in common." Yes, having things in common is great and sometimes can make relationships easier, but not always.
I liked the fact we didn't talk a lot. I liked we had separate lives, but could come together and get things done when needed. He couldn't handle it. He believed in what TV and movies have told him about love and relationships.
He was heavily into romantic gestures and had expectations of me that were based on fallacies. I could never live up to the image he had projected upon me. Sure enough, the moment he perceived me to be "leaving him," he snapped.
In marriage, we are the same, only different. Our sames derives from the agreements we reach. The difference is who we naturally are, who God meant for us to be. Having someone accept you for who you are is most wonderfully rare. I had 80% acceptance in my marriage. Yes, he gave me up for the 20%. Some people never value much in their lives. He is one of them.
Love Connection
"Each individual we encounter appears to hold a lost piece of us. It joins with us the instant it is recognized. But only love can see it." Hugh Prather
My husband and I recognized the lost piece of ourselves in the other. I accepted mine, he rejected his. He has fought being committed to our marriage from the beginning, but he has always felt we were soul mates. He made this assertion from the moment he met me.
It took me a while to recognize the full extent of the spiritual connection because I was over identifying with him. I spent a lot of time making excuses for him and trying hard to understand how and why I loved someone so different from myself.
Love saw deep into each of our wounds and we were drawn to the desire to heal the other. I must admit I have never really felt like he ever was intentionally trying to hold me down. The impact of his self-destructive ways have been the deterrent to us having a better life financially and emotionally. He is searching for something he has no idea of how to get. He wants a life he is unwilling to work for. Without effort, saying you someone is not enough.
My husband and I recognized the lost piece of ourselves in the other. I accepted mine, he rejected his. He has fought being committed to our marriage from the beginning, but he has always felt we were soul mates. He made this assertion from the moment he met me.
It took me a while to recognize the full extent of the spiritual connection because I was over identifying with him. I spent a lot of time making excuses for him and trying hard to understand how and why I loved someone so different from myself.
Love saw deep into each of our wounds and we were drawn to the desire to heal the other. I must admit I have never really felt like he ever was intentionally trying to hold me down. The impact of his self-destructive ways have been the deterrent to us having a better life financially and emotionally. He is searching for something he has no idea of how to get. He wants a life he is unwilling to work for. Without effort, saying you someone is not enough.
Holding Pattern
Over the past seven years people have been removed from my life. This year my husband and oldest daughter have moved on. I am grateful to God I have been able to practice detachment and I am sincerely open to them not being in my life.
I've been in a holding pattern for a few years now. I've allowed myself to be open to possibilities and I've moved beyond so much of what was keeping me from being the person I know I was meant to be. I am happy with myself and my life.
I've been open to ta higher calling. I stayed in my marriage believing if I was the person I wanted a person to be to me, that my husband would have to change, or he would not. He did not so, we are not.
I'm coming out of the holding pattern. I'm being freed and so are those around me. Life is good and we all have the opportunity to enjoy it to the fullest. My family is in full transition and I embrace it. I am holding on no more.
I've been in a holding pattern for a few years now. I've allowed myself to be open to possibilities and I've moved beyond so much of what was keeping me from being the person I know I was meant to be. I am happy with myself and my life.
I've been open to ta higher calling. I stayed in my marriage believing if I was the person I wanted a person to be to me, that my husband would have to change, or he would not. He did not so, we are not.
I'm coming out of the holding pattern. I'm being freed and so are those around me. Life is good and we all have the opportunity to enjoy it to the fullest. My family is in full transition and I embrace it. I am holding on no more.
Glad I Am Me
Because of the lack of authenticity amongst the masses, it is often a true surprise to find a person who is truly devoted. I am one of those people. When I give my devotion, that person, thing, job, etc., has it forever.
My husband needed me and I yielded to a higher calling and did what was right and righteous. I did what I vowed to do and took care of him. He was somewhat better, but still the asshole he is known to be.
Day after day, I sat and listened to him complain and misunderstand. I watched him struggle to remember things told to him only minutes before. I sat and watched as he vomited and struggled to turn in the bed, after his third procedure.
There was a great and comforting distance between us. I am on the other side. There is no bitterness, or even hurt feelings. I accept he will not be the man i need him to be, to be able to be the woman I am meant to be.
He was told his father has Dementia and pre-Alzheimer's Disease. his mother was returned to the hospital while he was in ICU. He also found out his brother is back in prison. All these things weighed heavily on him. i did my best to be a comfort to him.
I am glad I am me. I am glad I know my role in this life. I am to bring comfort to those who ask me for it. He is suffering. He has lost his family and is giving away his life to the nothingness he seeks out in life. I am so glad I am me.
My husband needed me and I yielded to a higher calling and did what was right and righteous. I did what I vowed to do and took care of him. He was somewhat better, but still the asshole he is known to be.
Day after day, I sat and listened to him complain and misunderstand. I watched him struggle to remember things told to him only minutes before. I sat and watched as he vomited and struggled to turn in the bed, after his third procedure.
There was a great and comforting distance between us. I am on the other side. There is no bitterness, or even hurt feelings. I accept he will not be the man i need him to be, to be able to be the woman I am meant to be.
He was told his father has Dementia and pre-Alzheimer's Disease. his mother was returned to the hospital while he was in ICU. He also found out his brother is back in prison. All these things weighed heavily on him. i did my best to be a comfort to him.
I am glad I am me. I am glad I know my role in this life. I am to bring comfort to those who ask me for it. He is suffering. He has lost his family and is giving away his life to the nothingness he seeks out in life. I am so glad I am me.
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