Because of the lack of authenticity amongst the masses, it is often a true surprise to find a person who is truly devoted. I am one of those people. When I give my devotion, that person, thing, job, etc., has it forever.
My husband needed me and I yielded to a higher calling and did what was right and righteous. I did what I vowed to do and took care of him. He was somewhat better, but still the asshole he is known to be.
Day after day, I sat and listened to him complain and misunderstand. I watched him struggle to remember things told to him only minutes before. I sat and watched as he vomited and struggled to turn in the bed, after his third procedure.
There was a great and comforting distance between us. I am on the other side. There is no bitterness, or even hurt feelings. I accept he will not be the man i need him to be, to be able to be the woman I am meant to be.
He was told his father has Dementia and pre-Alzheimer's Disease. his mother was returned to the hospital while he was in ICU. He also found out his brother is back in prison. All these things weighed heavily on him. i did my best to be a comfort to him.
I am glad I am me. I am glad I know my role in this life. I am to bring comfort to those who ask me for it. He is suffering. He has lost his family and is giving away his life to the nothingness he seeks out in life. I am so glad I am me.