Stuff happens! That is just how it is. Life goes on no matter what happens to you. You must learn to deal with it and began to think of certain things that happens to us as lessons to be learned.
Being married has taught me so much about myself. One thing I know for sure; I am one of the strongest people I have ever met in my life. There is not too much I don't think I could'nt handle, if I had to. Life has taught me to make do, do over and do without.
Being married has taught me that I am loyal, capable, willing, and completely ready for whatever comes my way. I no longer hide from anyone or anything. I'm ready to do what it takes to live the authentic life I was put on earth to live.
Although my marriage has not been the best, it is my marriage. One I helped create. I'll continue to learn the important lessons of life and hold my head up high. I know it is all for a very important purpose. I'm ready if I don't get to go.
Monday, May 31, 2010
Wednesday, May 26, 2010
Keeping It Real
I work with young adults between 15 and 20 years younger than me. Some of them have picked up on my ability to read human behavior and the keen understanding I have of human nature.
I told them, "Listen, it really is no big deal. I have lived almost half a century. I should know something by now."
They are astonished by my ability to not truly care what other people think of me, especially if that means I have to go along to get along, hide from the truth, or beat around the bush. "The same thing people love about you Ms. Hall, is the same thing they hate about you. That has to be rough."Yes, it can be, but I'd rather have it like that than any other way.
My 30th High School Reunion is coming up in July. I pulled out my scrapbook and began reading the comments people wrote about me 30 years ago. Tears came to my eyes as I read things like, "Stay as real as you are and you will go far." "You are and will always be a woman. No one deals with smut with the style and grace like you do." "You are definitely not a person who is afraid to be herself. I guess that is a good thing. Especially for you. You should go far."
My boyfriend's mother wrote, "Stay as you are and never become a phony baloney."
Another friend wrote, "You are cool, calm and collected." All of the comments had to do with how much of a REAL person I seemed and how I seemed not to care what others thought of me.
Even back then, I had an idea of who I was and where I wanted to go and people recognized it. Today, fully grown and understanding myself more than ever, I am still told how real I am, how down-to-earth I am, and how open and honest I can be. It feels good to know I have not strayed from what I always knew to be true, nobody can be you but you.
I told them, "Listen, it really is no big deal. I have lived almost half a century. I should know something by now."
They are astonished by my ability to not truly care what other people think of me, especially if that means I have to go along to get along, hide from the truth, or beat around the bush. "The same thing people love about you Ms. Hall, is the same thing they hate about you. That has to be rough."Yes, it can be, but I'd rather have it like that than any other way.
My 30th High School Reunion is coming up in July. I pulled out my scrapbook and began reading the comments people wrote about me 30 years ago. Tears came to my eyes as I read things like, "Stay as real as you are and you will go far." "You are and will always be a woman. No one deals with smut with the style and grace like you do." "You are definitely not a person who is afraid to be herself. I guess that is a good thing. Especially for you. You should go far."
My boyfriend's mother wrote, "Stay as you are and never become a phony baloney."
Another friend wrote, "You are cool, calm and collected." All of the comments had to do with how much of a REAL person I seemed and how I seemed not to care what others thought of me.
Even back then, I had an idea of who I was and where I wanted to go and people recognized it. Today, fully grown and understanding myself more than ever, I am still told how real I am, how down-to-earth I am, and how open and honest I can be. It feels good to know I have not strayed from what I always knew to be true, nobody can be you but you.
Monday, May 24, 2010
Out in the Open
Whether good or bad, having things out in the open is less stressful than harboring grudges and suspicions.
In a marriage, it is always better to speak your mind truthfully and respectfully. Sometimes we lead our spouses on when we tend to hold back calling ourselves trying not to hurt their feelings when keeping in what we need to say is for more damaging than expressing it could ever be.
Open up and let it out.
In a marriage, it is always better to speak your mind truthfully and respectfully. Sometimes we lead our spouses on when we tend to hold back calling ourselves trying not to hurt their feelings when keeping in what we need to say is for more damaging than expressing it could ever be.
Open up and let it out.
Friday, May 21, 2010
Figuring it All Out
I understand a lot more now at 48 than I could ever imagine. The greatest committment I have made has made the biggest difference in the type of person I have come to be. Had I not married who I married, I truly do not believe I would be where I am in my mental development.
Learning to sincerely love him without reservation has opened my eyes so completely to the wonder of the soul. It is infinite in its ability to grow and learn and share. I recognize what I have and even though it is not ideal, it is my life.
Learning to sincerely love him without reservation has opened my eyes so completely to the wonder of the soul. It is infinite in its ability to grow and learn and share. I recognize what I have and even though it is not ideal, it is my life.
Wednesday, May 19, 2010
Patience II
I must admit. I have outdone myself. Yes, I have actually been patient and let God really work in my life. I have a horrible house that I was paying too much for. I waited on God and went through the process. I was able to get my mortgage reduced from 11.6 to 4.5 percent interest, along with other little blessings.
Patience is truly a virtue.
Patience is truly a virtue.
Monday, May 17, 2010
Losing Control
I have an injury to both knees that is slowly causing me to lose my mobility. It is such a frightening experience. I find myself feeling terrified when I see steps, or a steep hill. My knees are popping so loud my co-workers take cover. They say it sounds like gun shots.
The insurance company has dropped me. I was taking a shot of chicken cartilege that actually offset a lot of the pain and discomfort. The doctor would rather cut on me and the insurance company would rather see me cut than to use preventive measures.
I'm frustrated and feel cheated because I am trying to take care of myself without going under the knife.
I feel as though I'm losing control.
The insurance company has dropped me. I was taking a shot of chicken cartilege that actually offset a lot of the pain and discomfort. The doctor would rather cut on me and the insurance company would rather see me cut than to use preventive measures.
I'm frustrated and feel cheated because I am trying to take care of myself without going under the knife.
I feel as though I'm losing control.
Friday, May 14, 2010
Acceptance
Sometimes it is hard to think about how much effort I have put into various people and activities throughout my lifetime. Next to losing weight, making an effort to save my marriage has been the hardest.
Even though I'm one of those people who believe, "If that don't do, try something new," I have given up on trying to find a husband in the man I married. He is relieved. Now that everything is out in the open, he doesn't have to try to be something he will never be and that is a man of honor and respect. These virtues were lost on him long before I met and married him. It has taken me a long time to understand you cannot really motivate someone, or help them if they don't have the capacity to recognize they need these things.
My husband is scrambling in many also. He is not crazy, so he knows he has lost a "good thing," when he lost his wife. The real sad part about it all is I ain't going nowhere. Even though I know for a fact God has released me from this marriage, I'm staying because I want to. I want "us" to rear our daughter and that is what we are going to do.
She appeared in her first stage play last week. Her dad and I were in the audience just beaming. She did a marvelous job. My husband kept saying, "We are such bad parents. We don't have a video camera." I never said a word. I don't believe whether you have "certain things" or not makes or breaks you as a parent. She got what was important to her; her parents being there.
I went out to congratulate her after her great performance and could barely reach her for the crowd of kids hanging literally on her and kissing her and hugging her and stating, "We love you."
I went back to my husband and told him, "I don't know what you're talking about. These kids love our daughter. That is the best proof we are excellent parents."
Our kids are loved wherever they go because they know how to love. A parent can't ask for more than that. They really can't.
As long as I continue to see positive changes and growth in my daughter, I'll stay in the marriage. It's not just about me. It really isn't and I am glad I am mature enough to recognize it.
Even though I'm one of those people who believe, "If that don't do, try something new," I have given up on trying to find a husband in the man I married. He is relieved. Now that everything is out in the open, he doesn't have to try to be something he will never be and that is a man of honor and respect. These virtues were lost on him long before I met and married him. It has taken me a long time to understand you cannot really motivate someone, or help them if they don't have the capacity to recognize they need these things.
My husband is scrambling in many also. He is not crazy, so he knows he has lost a "good thing," when he lost his wife. The real sad part about it all is I ain't going nowhere. Even though I know for a fact God has released me from this marriage, I'm staying because I want to. I want "us" to rear our daughter and that is what we are going to do.
She appeared in her first stage play last week. Her dad and I were in the audience just beaming. She did a marvelous job. My husband kept saying, "We are such bad parents. We don't have a video camera." I never said a word. I don't believe whether you have "certain things" or not makes or breaks you as a parent. She got what was important to her; her parents being there.
I went out to congratulate her after her great performance and could barely reach her for the crowd of kids hanging literally on her and kissing her and hugging her and stating, "We love you."
I went back to my husband and told him, "I don't know what you're talking about. These kids love our daughter. That is the best proof we are excellent parents."
Our kids are loved wherever they go because they know how to love. A parent can't ask for more than that. They really can't.
As long as I continue to see positive changes and growth in my daughter, I'll stay in the marriage. It's not just about me. It really isn't and I am glad I am mature enough to recognize it.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)