Children, Listen to Your Parents

My daughter had an embarrassing experience that will be recorded in her journal as the worst. Because she did not wear the dress I bought her, the dress she wore failed her in the worse way. The audience was gracious. No one laughed out loud; that I could hear.

The wind went out of me. I immediately fell over; in laughter. I didn't laugh out loud. I did a deep chuckle. It was funny; for more than one reason. I warned her of the possibility that what happened would happen. She also had me buy a $90 dress she just "had to have" that would have been perfect and would not have responded to her girth, as the one she chose.

She looked great though. I really liked the outfit. We added some silver butterflies to her boots and they swung back and forth when she walked. I could tell she thought she looked good.

By the end of the day, the regret was obvious. Her dad was loving and kind to her. He had gone and got her from the audience. When she came out of the bathroom, she was in tears. He talked to her sweetly and told her he was sorry that happened to her. In his way, he kept encouraging her to forget about it. Telling her it's over and that she'll never have to see those people again. We all know that was caught on tape. Somebody got of picture of that image.

I have had several of those very embarrassing moments with clothing that didn't fit right for whatever reason. The attention you have to pay to clothing that does not fit well is not worth the time or effort. Just because you can get in something doesn't mean you can wear it. Everything does not look good on everybody. These are simple fashion truths. I know my daughter wishes she had listened to me.

My Calling

This weekend has been a life changing weekend. I am a relationship coach and I have been working with a young 30 something who is having problems being the man he wants to be and his relationships are suffering because of it. I was awakened at 3:10 a.m. in the morning needing to talk to him because I felt he offended the God in me and I had to confront him about it. I was talking him about things that basically amounted to basic Christian principles. After talking to him, I began reading the book The Peacemaker, written by Ken Sande. As I read, I became overwhelmed with feelings of favor and grace because I had come to the conclusions in this back when I was 15 years old, or younger even. I have always been a peacemaker and this book verified my authenticity as one who has taken on the task of livng a life that gives glory to God. Back in 2007, God put it on my heart to write about my marriage and how I was able to forgive my husband for his transgressions and really move forward with our relationship. My friend/lawyer read the book and I could tell she wasn't really getting where I was coming from because as the author says in the book, "These principles have also proven to be universally countercultural. No matter what race or country we come from, none of us is naturally inclined to obey Jesus' commands to love our enemies, confess our wrongs, gently correct tohers, submit to our church, and forgive those who hurt us. In fact, left to out own instincts, we are disposed to do just the opposite." She could not believe I shared the things I did, but I also took reponsibility for my role in my husband's infidelity. After reading this book, she called me and said, "Wanda, you are a peacemaker." "You must not have read my autobiography. I've always been a peacemaker. My friends used to call me Martin Luther King." Reading this book has shown me exactly where I need to be in my journey. It has confirmed that I know, what I know and that I am being called to share what I know. My friend has honored me by sharing this book with me. It has given me the push I needed to go ahead and do what I gotta do. I decided I would get out of the way and allow God's will to truly be done, especially in my marriage. This book has confirmed for me I need to go ahead and listen to God and do what He ultimately wants me to do and that is to become a Marriage and Family Therapist. He has prepared me and now it is time for me to show. I am answering His call. I am going back to school. No more hesitation. It is time for me to do what is going to make the biggest difference in my life in every aspect.

Death Sentence

My husband will have to go on dialysis. His kidneys are poisoning his body. He sees the process as a death warrant. I told him not to go through it will mean death for sure.

He vomits constantly. You would think he would run to any treatment that would relieve that. No, not him. He'd rather live in denial and pay for it every minute.

I'm so numb. I did all I could not to let myself get to this point and I ended up here anyway. I wanted to feel better about helping him when he needs me, but that won't happen. He had to turn me against him. After 25 years, he still can't accept I love him just because he is alive. He's unhappy with who he is and hates me for seeing more than he is willing to actually be.

What a sad feeling I have sometimes. I saw us doing so much more. Even if he was healthy, he wouldn't be of the mind to do the things I would want to do. Just seeing how he is holding on to his self-destructive ways, while sick, lets me know it is not meant for me to get what I need from him.

He has almost killed himself viewing dialysis as a death sentence. In all reality, this just may be the thing to save his life.

Being a B. I. T. C. H.

I have no problem telling folk, I am a Bitch and to me that is a woman who is being in total control of herself. Folk hate that. People won't admit it, but they love a push over. Most people will take advantage of a person who does not have good boundaries.

I have learned over the years that my boundaries have been pretty tight for a while, especially since I have been an adult. I received a great compliment today. My co-worker told me, "You are really unique. You are a control freak, but unlike other control freaks who want to control themselves and everyone else. You are a control freak over yourself."

He went on to say how I was a very good listener. He told me that he has forgotten several times things he has told me and was surprised that I remembered two weeks later. "Most people just act like they are listening to you. You really listen."

I am that way because my mother never listened to me. When she did she made it seem as though what I was saying was stupid, in reality it was over her head. Her thinking is concrete, whereas I have always been an abstract thinker, even as a kid. So when I would come to her with certain concepts and ideas that she had never thought of, she would automatically try to make me feel stupid by calling me "stupid, ignorant, fool." Those where her names for me. It wouldn't have been so bad if she used them one at a time, but she would call me these names consecutively, every time she used them. It wrecked my self-esteem.

After 18 months of therapy back in 1989, I had to face some truths about myself that I didn't like much. I was having emotional problems, because I couldn't control other folks emotional problems. After therapy, I was able to stop worrying about what I could not change and take care of what I could.

I feel blessed to be open enough where people feel they can share themselves with me without feeling as though I am going to judge or ridicule. It is not my place. I do believe that it is part of my purpose her on earth to use my listening skills to give others a chance to be heard and maybe they to can take control of their lives and become the people they desire to be.