Tuesday, February 8, 2011

Being a B. I. T. C. H.

I have no problem telling folk, I am a Bitch and to me that is a woman who is being in total control of herself. Folk hate that. People won't admit it, but they love a push over. Most people will take advantage of a person who does not have good boundaries.

I have learned over the years that my boundaries have been pretty tight for a while, especially since I have been an adult. I received a great compliment today. My co-worker told me, "You are really unique. You are a control freak, but unlike other control freaks who want to control themselves and everyone else. You are a control freak over yourself."

He went on to say how I was a very good listener. He told me that he has forgotten several times things he has told me and was surprised that I remembered two weeks later. "Most people just act like they are listening to you. You really listen."

I am that way because my mother never listened to me. When she did she made it seem as though what I was saying was stupid, in reality it was over her head. Her thinking is concrete, whereas I have always been an abstract thinker, even as a kid. So when I would come to her with certain concepts and ideas that she had never thought of, she would automatically try to make me feel stupid by calling me "stupid, ignorant, fool." Those where her names for me. It wouldn't have been so bad if she used them one at a time, but she would call me these names consecutively, every time she used them. It wrecked my self-esteem.

After 18 months of therapy back in 1989, I had to face some truths about myself that I didn't like much. I was having emotional problems, because I couldn't control other folks emotional problems. After therapy, I was able to stop worrying about what I could not change and take care of what I could.

I feel blessed to be open enough where people feel they can share themselves with me without feeling as though I am going to judge or ridicule. It is not my place. I do believe that it is part of my purpose her on earth to use my listening skills to give others a chance to be heard and maybe they to can take control of their lives and become the people they desire to be.

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