It is the little things that make up our lives. Those little moments. The tiny kindnesses. The extension of friendship and caring.
God lets me know He loves me in so many ways. The following example may seem simple and small to you, but it has opened me up even more to the glory of God.
I have a wonderful friend who I think highly of. We are like minded in many ways, the most important, we both know how to use our brains.
For a year now, I have been saying I wanted the new Sprint EVO 4G phone. Every time I saw it on TV or someone with it, I would say, "I'm getting that phone."
It cost over $400, but I sincerely felt I would have one soon. Well, my dear friend was out shopping and she found one for an extremely reasonable price. When she called to tell me she found a phone, I was thankful and ready to accept whatever she brought. When I saw it was the exact phone I wanted, I immediately said to her, "God loves me."
God love us all. He wants us to be happy. He wants us to have the things we desire. No matter how hard my life gets I fall back on my deep faith in God. He has cradled and carried me all my life. I am grateful for the friends I do have. They continuously show me the face of God.
Wednesday, September 7, 2011
Tuesday, September 6, 2011
It's Alright, but It Ain't Okay
It is alright that I don't have a man in my life, but it ain't okay. I am the type of woman who wants and desires to have a man in her life. I am not desperate; I am at my best when I have someone to share my life with.
I feel the void tremendously. During other times when my husband and I have been separated, I seemed to long for him. I felt as though I needed him to love. This time I recognize it is not about him, it is the fact I am a lover who has to share the joy of being loving.
Yes, I have my kids, but they are leaving me and we all know it ain't the same. Yeah, it is alright, but it ain't okay I don't have a man to share my love with. I will continue to be patient as I have for all these years, but I am on the look out. I'm ready for my David. I know God is going to hook me up better.
I feel the void tremendously. During other times when my husband and I have been separated, I seemed to long for him. I felt as though I needed him to love. This time I recognize it is not about him, it is the fact I am a lover who has to share the joy of being loving.
Yes, I have my kids, but they are leaving me and we all know it ain't the same. Yeah, it is alright, but it ain't okay I don't have a man to share my love with. I will continue to be patient as I have for all these years, but I am on the look out. I'm ready for my David. I know God is going to hook me up better.
Monday, September 5, 2011
Something New -3
For months I've been having this feeling that it is time for me to do something new. Something I've never done before. Since my husband and I have been separated the urge has grown tremendously. I could not figure out what that feeling meant. After reading an article in Essence Magazine about interracial marriage, my mind opened up. It is time for a new attitude about who I can love.
For most of my adult life, I have always said I would never date outside my race. The most important of the reasons had to do with our slave past and the truth that black men need us. I am highly sensitive and connected to the human spirit. I wanted to do my part.
Yet, black men are not as loyal. They have taken advantage of the shortage of black men and abused black women's loyalty. They keep us hating each other because we constantly find out, we are sharing our men.
No more. I am not sure how this separation is going to end, or if it will. I do know that if we do not stay married, I will date outside my race. I am going to do something new.
For most of my adult life, I have always said I would never date outside my race. The most important of the reasons had to do with our slave past and the truth that black men need us. I am highly sensitive and connected to the human spirit. I wanted to do my part.
Yet, black men are not as loyal. They have taken advantage of the shortage of black men and abused black women's loyalty. They keep us hating each other because we constantly find out, we are sharing our men.
No more. I am not sure how this separation is going to end, or if it will. I do know that if we do not stay married, I will date outside my race. I am going to do something new.
Interracial Relations
I have been pretty adamant that if I were ever free again I would not date outside my race. I read an article in Essence Magazine that changed my mind.
It was a simple statistic that changed over 30 years worth of belief. He explained it clearly, black women are very loyal, but also very lonely because of their loyalty. As he said, there are simply more available men in other races.
Many of the struggles black men experience keep them from being ideal marriage partners. Black women who want to be in intimate relationships should consider giving another race a try. There are a lot of black skinned men, who are not American.
The other thing he said that rang true was that being in such high demand gives black men an unfair edge over black women. This fact helps create the belief in some men that because there are so many more women to choose from, they should in fact do that. My husband told me, "there are so many of ya'll and not enough of us, that women just throw themselves at you."
Of course the man could always say no, but that is rarely what happens.
I see things differently now. Especially after I recognized how deep my desire is to share my love. I love to love and not having a man to share it with is not okay with me. At the same time, I'm sick of the attitude many black men have, my husband included, who feel like they can do whatever they want because they know there is a shortage.
I found out what the something new is I want to do.
It was a simple statistic that changed over 30 years worth of belief. He explained it clearly, black women are very loyal, but also very lonely because of their loyalty. As he said, there are simply more available men in other races.
Many of the struggles black men experience keep them from being ideal marriage partners. Black women who want to be in intimate relationships should consider giving another race a try. There are a lot of black skinned men, who are not American.
The other thing he said that rang true was that being in such high demand gives black men an unfair edge over black women. This fact helps create the belief in some men that because there are so many more women to choose from, they should in fact do that. My husband told me, "there are so many of ya'll and not enough of us, that women just throw themselves at you."
Of course the man could always say no, but that is rarely what happens.
I see things differently now. Especially after I recognized how deep my desire is to share my love. I love to love and not having a man to share it with is not okay with me. At the same time, I'm sick of the attitude many black men have, my husband included, who feel like they can do whatever they want because they know there is a shortage.
I found out what the something new is I want to do.
Saturday, September 3, 2011
Father and Son
My son and husband have spent more time together in the last two months than they have in the last three years. Our separation has been good for their relationship in many ways.
The most important thing that has come out of the separation is my son has become more compassionate and introspective. He is analyzing his father's every word and move and has come to the conclusion that the way he is like his dad the most, is the worse.
He has come to recognize he is selfish in the same way his father is and he does not like what he has discovered. He is offering more help in areas I would not have imagined. He has come to me and told me, "Mom, you never ask me for anything. I want to help."
God is so good. When I was trying to control things, they couldn't come together. Even though the most I did was tried to keep his dad in the house with him. As it turned out, God wanted it differently. The initial way the separation came about was devastating, but after seeing the results, it is totally worth it.
All I ever wanted was for them to act like father and son. It is happening.
The most important thing that has come out of the separation is my son has become more compassionate and introspective. He is analyzing his father's every word and move and has come to the conclusion that the way he is like his dad the most, is the worse.
He has come to recognize he is selfish in the same way his father is and he does not like what he has discovered. He is offering more help in areas I would not have imagined. He has come to me and told me, "Mom, you never ask me for anything. I want to help."
God is so good. When I was trying to control things, they couldn't come together. Even though the most I did was tried to keep his dad in the house with him. As it turned out, God wanted it differently. The initial way the separation came about was devastating, but after seeing the results, it is totally worth it.
All I ever wanted was for them to act like father and son. It is happening.
No Stroking
I know there is a man out there that does not have to have his ego stroke constantly by women to feel like a man. That is the type of man I am seeking. I love to give compliments and recognition to my man, but I don't want to be held responsible for making sure he feels good about himself at all times.
I need someone less high maintenance and much more confident. I met such a man 27 years ago, but we didn't work out. I had the privilege of talking to him recently and it was so refreshing not to have to think about whether i was stepping on his toes. ace
It made me feel even better when he said, "I'm not the kind of man that need to have my ego stroked. I can do that for myself."
I have never heard a man admit he needed his ego stroke, not to mention that he can do it himself. He can't be the only one on the planet. There has to be others.
When I was analyzing where I lacked in my relationship with my husband, I recognized that I was unable to consistently stroke his ego. It is just not who I am as a woman. My husband is insecure and unwilling to take responsibility for his own happiness. He constantly felt as though there was something I should have been doing to make him feel better about himself.
I'm waiting on David. I'm waiting on the man who is willing to give me what I need and able to accept what I can give.
I need someone less high maintenance and much more confident. I met such a man 27 years ago, but we didn't work out. I had the privilege of talking to him recently and it was so refreshing not to have to think about whether i was stepping on his toes. ace
It made me feel even better when he said, "I'm not the kind of man that need to have my ego stroked. I can do that for myself."
I have never heard a man admit he needed his ego stroke, not to mention that he can do it himself. He can't be the only one on the planet. There has to be others.
When I was analyzing where I lacked in my relationship with my husband, I recognized that I was unable to consistently stroke his ego. It is just not who I am as a woman. My husband is insecure and unwilling to take responsibility for his own happiness. He constantly felt as though there was something I should have been doing to make him feel better about himself.
I'm waiting on David. I'm waiting on the man who is willing to give me what I need and able to accept what I can give.
The Best Compliment
I had the pleasure of talking with a man I new when I was 22 years old. He was from another country and seemed to really like me. We saw each other for a few months, then he left and went to the army. I was devastated when he left because I had, for the first time, felt as though I truly loved and cared about him.
When he left for the army, my heart was broken. I felt as though I have lost a tremendous opportunity to love someone who would change my life. I tracked him down and began writing him letters. He wrote me letter back and I have reread them time and time again throughout the years.
It was through his son, his namesake, that I found him on Facebook. He accepted my request to be his friend and we began corresponding. The first time I talked to him I recognized he may not have been the right choice for me as a mate. I was glad we didn't hook up. Yet, I did find I still felt a certain aliveness when I talked to him.
He told me he was glad he met me. He said he used the way I responded to him as a reference when he dealt with other women. He felt as though I represented what a real woman was about. He claims that after reading my writings that I showed signs of being the woman I have become, 27 years ago.
It was a great compliment. I felt good to know that I have basically remained the same and that who I am is appreciated.
When he left for the army, my heart was broken. I felt as though I have lost a tremendous opportunity to love someone who would change my life. I tracked him down and began writing him letters. He wrote me letter back and I have reread them time and time again throughout the years.
It was through his son, his namesake, that I found him on Facebook. He accepted my request to be his friend and we began corresponding. The first time I talked to him I recognized he may not have been the right choice for me as a mate. I was glad we didn't hook up. Yet, I did find I still felt a certain aliveness when I talked to him.
He told me he was glad he met me. He said he used the way I responded to him as a reference when he dealt with other women. He felt as though I represented what a real woman was about. He claims that after reading my writings that I showed signs of being the woman I have become, 27 years ago.
It was a great compliment. I felt good to know that I have basically remained the same and that who I am is appreciated.
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