I stayed in my marriage because I didn't want to have any regrets if I should ever have to leave. Now that we are separated, I feel as though the honesty I gave to myself helped me not become bitter. As he revealed who he really was, I did not hide from the fact I loved him anyway. I learned to appreciate his humanity by accepting if God woke him every morning, He had a plan for his life just as He did mine.
The more I used honesty as the method to soothe some of the hurt and disappointment I experienced in my marriage; the better I became at dealing with conflict and inconsistency. I began to look at how confused and unaware I have been throughout my life. I came to understand God uses us in so many ways to reach others.
I can honestly say I am proud of my husband and I. We both came from very dysfunctional homes, yet we put forth great effort to learn to love each other and form a family. It is simply a matter of arrested development and character disorder that keeps my husband from being a better human being. Ironically, he thinks he's getting over. He always does because that is his intention. He does not identify with the God within.
I am honest with myself when I say I had to learn the hard way to allow God to guide my life. Accepting I was a glutton, changed my life. I haven't gained weight in seven years. My weight is something I struggled with for over thirty years. It was a miracle to me I was able to let go of food and grab hold of God. It didn't fully happen until I was completely honest with myself.