Tuesday, December 20, 2011

Harder and Harder

I have not allowed myself to be in my husband's presence. I really don't want to on a personal level, but as a person who cares deeply about people; it is getting harder and harder for me to stay away.

He had surgery again the past Saturday. He had a bad infection that would have required his entire leg and thigh to be removed had not the surgery gone well. Just the thought of that happening made me sick. He was such a vibrant alive person and now all he does is feel sorry for himself.

I cannot handle that. I am a strong person, especially when it comes to my health. I could not imagine being in his position, but I would want to believe my reaction to being in that position would be different.

My children are doing their best. My son can barely handle it all, but he does because he doesn't want me to get involved. No one wants him back at the house. The peace level since he has been gone is nothing but amazing. The devil sure can keep up a lot of mess.

Still, we all want the best for him, but dealing with him just keeps getting harder and harder.

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