Friday, June 17, 2011

After 22 Years of Marriage

My husband and I had a wedding and a legal ceremony within a week of each other back in 1989. We have been married 22 years and each other's lives for 26. It has been a trip, but one worth taking. I like to say, I may not have been to paradise, but I most definitely have been to me. I grew to be the strong confident, capable black woman that I am because I stayed in my marriage.

My husband proved my theory that he has been acting out like a little child seeking attention all these years. He's been trying to get me to do to him what others have and that is give up on him. I asked him, "What is the most surprising thing about me you've learned?" He said, "How diligent you are. Do you ever give up?"

To be honest, I was still shocked by the statement. Even though I had theorized he was wanting me to quit, so he could, I didn't let that stop me from being the winner I am. I refuse to fail and like I told him, I don't spend too much time pursuing things, people, are opportunities that I feel I have little change of obtaining. I am a person who is solid in her convictions. I believe strongly in the importance of knowing what you want, going after it and appreciating it once you get it.

He is a quitter, even a loser in the eyes of many. He has spent most of our relationship in awe of me, I'd even venture to say being jealous of my ability to persevere. He wants to me give up, so he can. He often tells me if it weren't for me, he would probably be dead. For me, that is enough incentive to stay solid and be a model for integrity and tenaciousness he so desperately needs. I am a winner. Even when I lose, I win because I know that what was perceived to be a lost, wasn't meant for me in the first place.

His statement made me feel proud. I am proud that I have been able to be consistent with one person to the point of disbelief. If no one else knows, he knows I am dedicated, loyal, honest, capable, and willing. He knows I will go the extra and a half mile.

It has been said that no one can survive without some delusions. That man/woman has to have some sort of distorted view of something to hold to hope for something better. If this is true, I'm delusional in my marriage and I'm okay with that. I know it will never be exactly what I had hoped it would be. I got that. I also know that there was no way for me to know how it would turn out. Looking back, I'm grateful for the opportunity to be his wife and to know that I am making an impact on him that has is changing him for the better everyday.

He has helped me change too. I'm not the same girl I used to be either. I am a much better wife than I could have imagined being. After 22 years of marriage, I'm ready for another 22.

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