When I was crazy and wondering what the hell was happening to me, I would often ask God, "Why me?"
One day my teen aged daughter went on a joy ride to the West side of Chicago for 18 hours. I had no control. I didn't know who she was with, or where she had gone. My husband and I were frantic. At 3 a.m. we went to her best friends home. Both her parents came to the door and told us their daughter was not home. They showed no concern, but told us their daughter was confused and acting out. The closed the door as if we were bothering them.
My husband and I were not as accepting of the situation. When I returned home, I remember sitting on the side of my bed crying and asking God, "Why me?" As clear as my own breathe, I heard God say "Why not?"
It was like a miracle. My tears dried up and I began to accept that my child, nor I was perfect. I accepted right then and their the lack of control I had over my daughter and that no matter how much I wanted her to do the right thing, it was ultimately her choice. I had to accept I did my best as her mother and that it was now up to her to either adhere to what she was taught or find her own way.
So many parents struggle with the belief that they own their children. The really think threats and punishment work, but they soon find out they do not. Many still do not give up the fight to try to control their children's lives.
That day was a huge turning point in my relationship with my daughter. I was able to gradually disassociate myself from the idea that my daughter belonged to me and had to do whatever I said, just because I said it. Since learning this lesson over 15 years ago, my now 31 year old daughter and I have a wonderful relationship. Even though she grew to seek my opinion and want my advice, I have held fast to not giving it and allowing her to make her own choices, which has relieved me greatly.