Wednesday, December 22, 2010

Even Though

Even though my marriage has been somewhat of a farce, I wouldn't trade it for the single life if I was offered a million dollars. I read some of the post of single folk on Facebook and I remember how lonely, and sometimes even desperate I was. I remember going to the club and watching guys I knew I could kick it with, eye candy, only to be done with her two weeks later when he's back at the club looking again.

I'd watch women choose men just because they were determined not to go home alone that night. I can remember seeing couples and wanting to be a couple. I remember thinking about how much I wanted to be in a relationship and all the things I would do if I had a man.

Getting married allowed me to do all the things I wanted and more. It took away the angst and the longing and the desire to be active in a loving relationship. It also satisfied my need to be adored. Initially, my husband was infatuated with me. It was glorious in the beginning. It set the tone for what we have today. His dreamy eyedness has been removed, but he still adores me and you can't buy that.

Even though it has been a rough, rough ride, I still feel that marriage is the best answer for those who are single and find themselves longing and desiring a mate. There is nothing wrong with this as a rule, but longing and desiring can cause you to make poor choices, especially if you are only thinking about your immediate needs. So often we don't think about the other person in a real since when we are looking for a mate. Our thoughts are based on this abstract person. When we meet flesh and blood we try to project our made-up image onto them and this is where the problem begins.

I have always been a live and let live type of person. I have never wanted to dominate or be dominated. Even though my husband and I are complete opposites in most areas, we are the same when it comes to this, so even though much of what he does, I would not do, I can allow him to be who he is, therefore he can live and learn from his own mistakes without me trying to dictate how his life experience should play out.

We stay together because we both know we have hit the jackpot in relations to finding someone who knows how to unconditionally love. Even though I better at the love part than he, he has the no conditions down pack. He lets me be me and I do the same for him.

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