If you have been following my blog, I am sure you have picked up the reality that in many ways I am struggling in this marriage. I happen to believe that the struggles, though they may not be as what others experience, are what are necessary for the each of us to gain the knowledge needed to be the best people we can be.
People want to believe that love should be easy, when in fact it is one of the hardest emotions to navigate. Because of its purity, love has no master. It is in itself the end and be all when it comes to humans. Without love, nothing survives for long. Yet, love is so hard to come by and even harder to find within ourselves.
I struggled for years with self-hate and loathing and now that I know love, I laugh at the old me. How silly I was not to recognize how marvelous I am no matter what size, how much money I have, or who I am married to. I am the shit just because and that is enough. Yet, for years I hated myself mainly because of being overweight. It wasn't me and because I didn't understand the importance of moderation I overate. I also used food to soothe me and keep me company and to celebrate. Food was my God.
When I became more of a spiritual person and less of a religious person, I was able to balance my reality and thus my life and body has followed suit. I am free to love because I know what it is to love me. As Frankie Beverly put it so well, "I got myself to remind me of love."
As you can read, I am pretty darn sure of myself. I know how to love.