My husband accused me of not disciplining our youngest, and not supporting his rules. Even though it is not true, I am more relaxed in my approach to how I discipline her. He is really old school minus the hitting. He goes overboard, then back tracks. I am more consistent. Tonight she confided in me that she listens to me more than she listens to her dad. She tried to make me believe she does it because she is around me more, but I know differently.
I challenged her telling her she is to obey him whenever he is around. He is her dad and he is not telling her anything wrong. She admitted it upsets her that he wants the kitchen to look a certain way. "He just wants it to look how he wants it too look."
I sought for a way to help her see the bigger picture. My first response was that this is his house and he has the right to expect certain things. Then I thought to myself, "take the emotion out of it."
"You know what? If you work for someone, even if you have a better way of doing what they pay you to do, they expect you to do it their way. You can't just do it your way. Do you understand?" She shook her head yes. I told her to just think of it as he is preparing her for jobs.
It is too bad my husband is so closed minded. Until he opens he mind and deal with the issues that keep him stuck, he'll forever see his role as father in limited terms. Kids need so much and the little that he does give just may not be enough. Sometimes as much as you give it will never be enough.
His biggest problem is he is so unreasonable. It takes too long for him to come to the right conclusion because the way he reasons is through rationalization, which is reason lacking responsibility. I pray that he will soon let go and let God help him figure out the best way to handle situations. Until then, I'm glad I'm here.
My daughter will be the first to say she is spoiled. She probably would say we both spoil her, but I feel how her dad deals with her spoils her. His wishy washy way of discipline gives the child too much leeway and they learn not to trust you and not listen to you as much.
She would say I spoil her with things. It is not true. She doesn't have a lot of unnecessary things. She views normal maintenance as getting alot, when in actuality I am just doing my job.