Wednesday, January 26, 2011

So Much Fun

Today was a good day. My husband and I actually physically played. He wasn't feeling well physically, but he was in a playful mood mentally. It is amazing how strong he is and how he can sometimes allow himself to still enjoy life even though he is in tremendous pain a lot of the time.

I just have to laugh at how silly we can be with each other. It seems as though we get closer and closer everyday, which is very troubling in a way because that is going to make it all the harder if something should happen to him.

The other day I caught myself crying with a woman in a movie who had lost her husband. She was holding one of his shirts rocking and crying. It really made me think, "I don't know if I could live without him."

Yeah, our marriage has been pretty bad for the most part, but that has changed in many ways. I feel such a deep sense of compassion and love for him. I could have never imagined I could allow myself to feel this way, especially after how awful he has been to me. It really is almost like none of it has happened. That's how it is when you really forgive. You may not forget, but it sure doesn't hurt like it once did, if at all. I rarely think about how much he's hurt me in the past. It used to be forefront in my mind.

I am glad we have even out and that we are having a good time with each other. It makes life better all the way around. We spend so much time together it really is great that we are actually getting along.

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