Friday, February 25, 2011

The Sad Truth

I had an elderly friend who was a psychologist. When she met my husband, and talked with him, she came to me and told me I needed to leave him because he would never have the capacity to give me what I needed emotionally. She felt he was beyond help.

I took offense to her observation based on my belief that anyone could change and could be helped. Back then I still believed loved conquered all. I did not factor in the persons unwillingness to do what is in their best interest.

That was back in 1993 and although he has changed in many ways, he is still unable to meet my emotional needs and I have come to respect her ability as a practitioner. The most change has come within the last few months. He has shown a higher level of awareness and responsibility. He has not blown his money in over six months. All this is a good thing, but he is still unwilling to deal with his emotional life. Instead, he seeks out others who demand less of him.

I am a self-soothing type of person. In many ways, our being together is just another way God has positioned me to utilize my strengths. Although I know I could be getting more from some other man, there is a great part of me that feels he is the one for me on s many levels. I have had to grow in many directions. I have had to learn to be compassionate. I had to learn to keep my mouth shut. I have learned to pay attention when others are talking. I have found out how much I can take and that is a lot.

I have also accepted the sad truth that you really cannot expect another person to be on your level, whatever that may be. He will never be to me what I need. His attitude surrounding his health is not going to allow him to be any good to anyone. The sad truth is he has given up.

I am angry he won't take his medicine and allow himself to live a better quality of life. He lacks disciplined motivation and has all his life. The only thing he has done consistently is hang on to me. That has been a tragedy for him because he has done it only because his rational mind tells him he would be foolish to let me, even though it is obvious he wants to be somewhere else.

I am an excellent wife. It is on purpose that I am so. I took on the responsibility and I am going to do my duty. But the sad truth is my relationship will probably never be much better than it is presently.

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