Wednesday, April 20, 2011

Peace Faking

My son and I had a talk the other day. I started it off by saying, "Son, I know if I weren't your mother, we wouldn't be friends." That went over his head obviously by what he said later to me in the conversation.

"I love mom, but I don't like Wanda."

"Son, that's okay. I don't like you either, but you're my sonny and I love you to death. There is nothing I wouldn't do for you."

He looked a little shocked, but he got it.

He went on to tell me that he thinks I am a fake. He said he thinks I am going to breakdown. He said, "You are greater than what you are dealing with, with dad." He feels I could do better than his dad. He feels he is not a true man. I reminded him that he was man enough to make him and no matter what he is still his father. I told him he has no right to judge people and that he has not lived long enough to really know anything that can help him understand what I am going through.

At first I told him I couldn't explain to him, in a way he could understand, that I am repenting for the wrongs I've done in the marriage. I explained to him that sin is sin and wrong is wrong. Just because I didn't cheat on his dad, doesn't mean I haven't done things to hurt him. Instead of leaving and running away from my problems, I choose to deal with them, and have decided to see my marriage through.

Yes, his dad could be a better person, but he's not. I have chosen to continue to be the best I can be whether he is or not. I told my son I wanted to please God and I didn't think God would be pleased if I divorced.

I told him I would be a better person for it. I could see him softening up his posture and he said, "Mom, I don't fully understand what you're talking about, but I do get it a little. I can see how you would be greater afterwards." I reminded him of the song by TI, MOTIVATION! I told him, "Son, I got street cred. I just might make me a rap song."

People think they know from the outside looking in, but they don't. My son needs to know that you don't run just because something is hard. He needs to know that he would love to someday have a woman like me.

He and his dad are making up and I really glad. I stayed out of it and let them do what they had to do. God is good. My little raggedy family is holding on.

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