In many ways, my marriage was hell. I did what so many women do and married my mother, father and child molester. My husband was a great candidate to continue to not give me what I needed most, to be loved.
My parents had some serious issues. They both were keeper's of secrets and deniers of their reality. Even though their intent was to create a home life. They created hell instead. Because they married due to my mother being pregnant with me, I was born into a situation that called for me to be treated badly because I reminded them both of the bad decision they made to have unprotected sex.
I survived the hell of my childhood upbringing, and later a 26 year crazy marriage because I never lost my personal integrity. "Women who love too much have little regard for their personal integrity in a love relationship," according to Robin Norwood, author of the 1986 groundbreaking book, "Women Who Love Too Much."
This book deals with the very true reality that many women who come from dysfunctional homes tend to seek out the same abuse within their love relationships. Even though I entered into my marital relationship seeking the love I did not receive as a child, as I matured, I was able to heal myself because unlike many other women, I held tight to my personal integrity.
My husband would tell me often he was proud of how I never give up on my convictions, beliefs, morals and values. After being together for 20 years, he congratulated me for the fact that I never backed down. I did not (not even under the tremendous pressure he put me under), change or alter what I believed in to try to keep or please him. As a matter of fact, if he got too out of hand, I'd put him out, rather than give an inch when it came to my person integrity.
I survived hell because I stood up to the devil, instead of giving in to the many ways he tried to lure me. My marriage taught me I am strong and capable of great love, especially self-love. I survived hell, because I kept Heaven on my mind.