Tuesday, May 31, 2011

Too Old

For most of my life, I did not have a normal period. Siince I have changed my eating habits and have began to lose weight, I am having a period every month and it is horrible. I'm having the heavy cramps down the outside of my thighs. Crazy cravings and awful PMS.

I feel like I don't know who I am once a month. I can feel my swings coming. I have to be completely quiet because nothing comes out pleasant. The pain is unbearable and i actually got sick to my stomach this month.

Two of my sisters had horrible periods. They would be home for at least three days rolling around in the bed, onto the floor in pain. I am so glad I had compassion for them. Not that it made it any better, but it feels good to know I didn't do anything to make it worse.

I will be fifty soon and I'm having periods like I just started. I am so glad I had my tubes tied because it is obvious I'm still fertile. I probably would get pregnant if I had not had the procedure. I am so glad I deny myself that freedom.

Still, I feel like Ishould be done with all this. I am seriously considering having everything removed. That brings problems with it, but not the one I am currently experiencing which is bringing me down for almost two weeks. A week of PMS and a week long period.

I am not sure what to do. The suffering is unbearable. I am too old for this.

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