My husband and I were talking the other day and the subject came up about whether or not people were jealous of me. I questioned him as to why he thought they would be. "Because of the way you are."
"Because of the way I am? That's a pretty broad statement. Do you mean my personality?"
"Yeah," he replied.
I didn't question him anymore. I could tell he was uncomfortable talking about the subject, because to a certain extent he is jealous of me too.
People are not necessarily jealous of "me," but it is more of a situation where they recognize my authenticity and they may yearn to be more authentic themselves. Instead of working on themselves, they may choose to focus on me. I know he does.
I have known for years that he wished he could be more like me. I think over the years he's settled for "being married to me." I think he thinks that somehow makes him more like me. He is so quick to state, "we are as one." Yet, when he wants to do things I would never do, he does them anyway, because he is who he is, plain and simple.
I don't think about what other people think about me. Yet, there are some things you just can't ignore. The more I express myself in different venues, the more "haters" I accumulate. I noticed this early in life and developed the habit of not getting too close to folk because I am such an overachiever. I got to the point were I got tired of explaining myself to people. There are people who feel you are supposed to be modest and not show that you know certain things, or step up to handle certain situations. That's not me. I am capable and I know it.
For years my husband had a problem with the fact if he didn't do something that needed to be done, I'd do it. I'm not a nag, but I am also not a passive individual. There have been times when he has felt like I stomped on his manhood. Many of those times it wasn't a question of his manhood, as much as his adulthood was in question. I took care of the adult business he was willing to just let slide because he was immature enough to do so. I truly believe he would have preferred me to just let things fall apart, rather than to step up to the plate.
I get the same BS on the job. Others are so content to "go along, to get along." Whereas, I refuse to follow the crowd. If there is something that needs to be said or done, I do or say it. There is very little progress that happens when procrastination is involved.
Whether folk are jealous of me or not, I do not care. I have worked for everything I have. I have taken the time to micromanage myself to find out the things that were eating up my time. I know my strengths and I play to them. I know my limitations and faults and I do what I can to stay within my range of competency, no matter avenue I choose to go down.
I am a winner. Plain and simple. I think like a winner. I act like a winner and I expect to win. My biggest competitor is myself. I do not measure myself against anyone else. No one has anything I want, because all I want is to fulfill my life's purpose, learn to love unconditionally, and so the things that make me happy.
I am using my talents daily and I know God is pleased. Don't hate, appreciate!