When he takes his medication as prescribed, he cannot stand without assist, walk without a can, or sit without falling to sleep. I took him to the doctor yesterday and it was so sad to see how frustrated and embarrassed he was to have to be wheeled around in a wheelchair to be able to get around.
It is difficult, but I will say I do not feel any resentment or anger towards him. I really want him to live. I want him to have a chance to utilize some of the things he has learned. Even though he is not taking care of himself at the right level, he does listen to me more and allows me to give him suggestions. I didn't think we would reach this level of understanding.
He will have to have surgery again this Thursday because he has developed complications at the sight. I pains me to see him in so much pain. He has no idea how much I pray and cry for him. My sensitivity level has always been high, but with him it is truly like I feel every ache he does.
We were supposed to go out Derby night, but we ended up in the emergency room. I really wanted to party and I know he did too, but it would have been taking too much of a risk for him to get bumped on that arm considering anywhere we would have went would have packed. We stayed home. We both really like to go out and have a good time. His health has hindered that greatly.