For a long time I fought, in my mind, that my husband was the man God meant me to be with. I was full of anger so it was easy for me to dismiss him and put him out for the least little infraction. Early in our relationship I lacked compassion and understanding. I had certain expectations and I was quick to administer punishment if they were not met.
Many of the infractions were not things I was willing to overlook. Not being able to tap into to God in me at that time, I used my anger to build a wall between me and the deep feelings I obviously had for him.
I did this for years and years. It took the infidelity to make me really look at myself and finally accept, I do love him. I had to accept, in the secular world's view I could do better, but there was something within me that knew, I could not find a better love.
I've experienced it all. My dreams, my nightmares, my doubts, my fears and God has carried me through everyone. Now that I am following God's will, getting to that loving feeling is effortless. I look at him with loving eyes. I continually focus on the good things about him and pray for help to leave the rest to God.
Seeking that loving feeling is important to sustaining a long-term relationship. I've always been able to get back to love with him. I've been blessed that way.
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