Tuesday, July 26, 2011

Even When It Is Right

Sometimes even when what you have to do is right, it still causes you hurt and pain. Although I know for sure, my husband and I being separated is really better for him, it hurts. I wasn't playing a game, or lying to myself and others when I said I loved my husband and was willing to live with and take care of him until death did us part.

Even though that is the right thing to do, trying to do it with the wrong person is extremely difficult. Difficult does not really explain how hard it was to love him. Yet, with the help of our Creator, I was able to. I was able to look at him at times and feel all bubbly inside and actually be thankful for him allowing me to accompany him on his journey.

He couldn't handle the sincerity, the honesty, the unconditional love. It seemed the more pleasant I was, the worse he got. The more I did for him, the less he was willing to accept it. It became more prevalent within the last few months. All of a sudden, he stopped asking for help. He would come and stand over me when he wanted something trying to get my attention. I began to ignore this behavior and even told him at times, "please use your words."

After a while, it began to get annoying, his refusal to ask for what he needed. I had to confront him about it. The look on his face told me I was right, he was deliberately trying to act like he didn't need me. Even when it is right, the thing your doing, it can go wrong.

All my love and care. All the time I spent working on my responses, thinking before I acted, was too much for him. He would mention the changes, but he refused to accept them. He couldn't allow himself to be loved.

He was shocked to discover I was not the woman he had portrayed me to be. He had denied the truth for so long, until he was believing his own warped thoughts. When it was completely revealed that I was not the mean, vindictive, spiteful bitch he always claimed, that made him even madder, because he couldn't realistically be the asshole he wanted to be.

He found away to unleash the asshole and now we are no more. Even when it is right, it can go so wrong.

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