Tuesday, July 12, 2011

My Sonny is Proud

"I'm proud of you mom. You deserve better. You always deserved better."

This is what my son said to me after I asked him how he felt about how I handled his father's decision to remove me from his life. For years he struggled with our relationship. Like most kids who felt their father was not treating their mother right, my son suffered with thinking I was wrong, crazy, a fool, for staying with his dad.

"Since you explained to me that you needed to see the relationship to the end because you knew you would be a better person for it, I fully understood where you were coming from. You were right. You are a better person for going through it to the end. Now you're free."

"If I were upset and crying about him being gone; you would probably feel differently."

The loss of my marriage has been a relief. My son mentioned how the air in the house seemed lighter since the "evil" presence is gone. It is true. My husband has such a mean spirit that it radiates at times and turns everyone in the house off. He was just so miserable with himself. His health issues exposed the true underbelly and not even he could face himself in the end. I was a reflection of all he will never be and I had to go. The constant pressure to be a better person was too much for him.

"Mom, he could have come up with you. He had 26 years to do the right thing."

My Sonny is right. He made his choices and now he has to live with them.

"He needs to be alone. He needs time to think." My Sonny said.

"Sonny, you won't need that kind of time. You know how to love."

My boy has learned a lot. He said he is so glad things went like they did. He is grateful for the education.

"I was wrong in a lot of ways. I put you on too high of a pedestal, but it wasn't hard to make you into an angel when I had such a great representation of the complete opposite."

I always told my kids, you can learn from a bad example just as well a good one. I could have run from man to man as many women do, but I chose to ride this one to the end and I did.

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