It will three weeks tomorrow my husband and I have been separated. Yesterday was the first day I cried over the loss of the relationship. Although I know it is for the best, a sadness creeped up yesterday that had me tearing up off and on throughout the day.
I do find it sad that he could not allow himself to be treated well. All the guilt and regret of a life full of bullshit caught up with him and even the thought of being a better person drove him deeper into despair.
When I find myself thinking negative thoughts, I immediately pray, or think of something good, or positive. I control my emotions with my thoughts. I don't go with negative feelings. Instead, I use my head to guide me through the emotional peaks and valleys.
Remembering I am doing well and that things can only get better helps a lot. Unlike other times when we have been separated, I do not feel the longing I used to feel for him. Now, I recognize completely that all I was loving and caring for was a body when I was with him. He was not receptive of it, maybe another body will be.
I control my emotions by first recognizing and accepting where I am at the moment. Then I imagine how I want to feel and work towards making the feelings arise. I quiet my mind and allow positive vibes to flow through me. I accept I am human and that loss is a part of life. I tell myself to believe in tomorrow and leave today without regrets.
I control my emotions, by recognizing I control my emotions.