Tuesday, July 12, 2011

Getting Excited!

I feel an unrest I haven't felt in years. I know something wonderful is about to happen and I am so ready. These last three years have been extremely difficult. It has been apparent my husband was not going to forgive me, as I had done for him. The more I put effort towards reconciliation, he'd do something stupid to mess it up.

I did very well overlooking, ignoring and understanding why he was the way he was. I prayed constantly for God to give me the strength to bear the burden and I did. I did it and I did it well. At times I felt as though my husband was doing things just to see if I would quit. He wanted to see me sweat, but he didn't get the pleasure. I was and am cool.

I did what I did in my marriage so God would get the glory. I wanted to prove that God could work through someone like me, independent, opinionated, and headstrong. God softened my heart, helped me learn to utilize my forgiveness button and gave me the peace I needed to follow through with His will.

My husband was jealous of me. He was upset because he couldn't upset me. He couldn't believe I learned to pick my battles, agree to disagree and love him anyway. He couldn't fathom me not leaving him when I found out he had a girlfriend. He couldn't imagine me taking care of him with the care I did when he was most ill. He would often compliment me on how I handled some of the most difficult bullshit I'll ever deal with in my life.

I'm getting excited because I truly thought I'd be responsible for my husband's well-being for the rest of my life. God freed me and not a moment too soon. Many would say I gave my husband the best years of my life. They just don't know. I have yet to experience the best years. All the years up until now have been earning points for the glorious life just ahead. I am so excited and I just can't hide it.

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