I'm done with it. My whole marriage, that is. I'm done with thinking about it, wanting to talk about, or even feel about it.
I was asked, "do you feel like you've been scarred?"
"No, because I have accepted my role in the demise of the marriage. I spent the last seven years repenting and trying to redeem myself for the wrongs I have committed."
This is true. When I filed for divorce back in 2004, I began to look at myself and deal with the problems I presented in the marriage. By doing so, I was able to take more responsibility for the fact it was ended, but I also became more compassionate towards my husband.
I decided I wanted to try to reconcile. I presented the idea to him and he agreed but he didn't really mean it. He has never forgiven me for anything I've done to him even though I have done all I could to right my wrongs.
Now that I am free and in one piece I'm done with all that drama. When I think of him and a negative thought pops in my head, I pray for him and ask God to keep him and guide him. I only think of the good memories, if I allow myself to think about him at all.
Tomorrow, August 1, 2011, begins a new era in my life. My marriage gave me the confidence to be the woman I want to be. I am risk taker, a lover of life, a child of God, and a giver of love. I am at peace and feel blessed to be alive and thankful for the opportunity to learn how to love the hard way.
No harm, no foul, I survived living and sleeping with the devil with a minor scratch. I'm good!