Monday, August 15, 2011

Love Is Not Enough

Love is not enough, even though it is all we need; being human requires use to want so much more. That is why we can love someone and not respect them, or we can respect them and not love them. Rarely does love and respect go hand and hand, especially in a marriage because you know so much about the other person. Yes, things you cannot respect.

My marriage is in shambles. Lack of trust and respect has damaged it and it very well may be beyond repair. Neither one of us want a divorce, we've long been passed the desire to go through that procedure, but we both know we need to be separated.

I know and feel deep in my heart I'll never love the way I have loved my husband. First of all, I doubt I'd ever meet someone as hard to love as he. I know God wouldn't do that to me twice in a lifetime. Now that I have learned to love him, it's liking him that he just won't let me do. I don't think I ever really could like him because he is not the kind of person I like.

He's selfish, self-centered, uneducated, and content with mediocrity. He isn't willing to push himself beyond his comfort zone and he's way too comfortable with things I'm not even willing to entertain. Still, I love him dearly. That's the power of the spirit of love. It can take us over and make it impossible to think of anyone else.

Love is never enough. I knew this at a young age and now that I'll be 50 years old soon, I have found that even though I believe in love, I want someone who respects me. Someone who I can trust. At this point in my life, I'd much rather have those qualities than to be "in love." Love clouds the true issues, and to a certain extent I think that is great, but it often taken too far, for too long and all you end up being is bitter and lonely because you went with a feeling instead of dealing with reality. We all need to be cared for properly.

My love has been used against me time and time again. I've been taken advantage of because they knew I loved them and have a peacemaking heart ready to forgive and start again. Not this time, they'll have to get in line because I'm coming out in full force looking for the respect I deserve, because love is never enough.

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