There is no true explanation for why a person chooses to ruin their lives. There is a certain amount of relief they feel that is evident by the way the recover. In my husband's case, he is recovering very well. He has landed on his feet, which I always knew he would. He wanted to play the victim role with me and I wasn't having it. Somebody has to be the man.
He cannot explain his actions, nor has he really tried to. All he can say is "we shouldn't be going through this." Yet in still, we are. We are because of him and his inability to love. He told me he didn't have anything against me. I told him I think he does and his actions show it.
Until he figures it out, anyway the wind blows is cool with me.