The reason I feel so good about myself is I was actually obedient to God and He held me up throughout a situation that could have taken me down mentally, physically, and spiritually. Instead, in the end, I feel victorious, even though my relationship with my husband did not survive.
God touched me and guided me towards forgiveness when I was on a path towards self-destruction. I was hate-filled, angry and disappointed. I desperately did not want to be a bitter person so I continuously prayed for God's intervention. Not believing in divorce, I had filed and it was torture because I knew God had more for me to do. My worldly thoughts kept me wanting to give up, but God's will was more appealing in the end.
I began a quest to live a life pleasing to God and I knew I had to put forth effort to reconcile and redeem myself with myself husband. Although he noticed the changes I had made, he was so evil he couldn't appreciate the full value of them. He still responded with old behaviors, even though I no longer did.
I feel good about myself because even with those around me thinking I was crazy and telling me what they wouldn't put up with, or asking me why I hadn't left my husband, I held fast to the belief that God had a purpose for it all, and all I had to do was pay attention and allow His will to unfold. I was able to do and now that it is all over, I am free and even happier than I ever thought I'd be.
I won't lie, I miss my husband. I miss taking care of him, loving him, and just having him around. Still, I know how things are, are how they are meant to be and I am content.
I feel good about myself because I am the woman I knew I would be.