Friday, September 9, 2011

Understanding Myself

I didn't get to know myself until I turned 35. Between now and then I have spent a lot of time in self-analysis. I went through 18 months of therapy and during that time I learned about myself, what I see in so many others; we cannot control anything, or anyone outside of ourselves.

Most conflict is started based on people's desire to tell others what they can and cannot do. Yes, we all have to follow rules and regulations, no one is a free agent. I am talking about people who try to manipulate the choices of individuals. I call them soul snatchers. These people will go to great length to shape the life of another, while simultaneously fucking up their own.
There is no way to live two lives.

Now that I have gotten really in touch with myself, I notice I seldom think about what other people think. I have really come to appreciate my own thinking and I respect myself greatly. Facebook has given me the opportunity to talk to people I knew years ago, especially old male friends who dumped me for whatever reason. I have experienced flattering input from several people. The growing theme has been that people felt I was genuine and loving. I feel blessed to have left such a legacy, thus far.

I will continue to do what I must to understand me. Now that I have accepted my marriage will no longer go in the direction I had hoped, I must learn to allow myself to be open to meeting other men. The greatest thing about this is I truly am not bitter. Although very disappointed, God has helped me understand how he uses people and that I should feel honored, instead of defeated, for I have taken the greatest risk of all, I lived within God's will.

Now, I have the opportunity to live a completely different life and I plan to do just that. I am moving towards the greatness that has laid dormant for far too long. It is so my time to shine, to love, to take, to give. I fully understand.

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